Welcome to the Kristi G Lanford Project Website.
“Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness…”
I still remember studying for my American History exam and becoming totally confused about the material. You always told me to take notes and to pay attention, and I couldn’t be bothered. I just wanted to sign on and email you and tell you that you were right, and I was wrong. Those ten minutes that followed that decision were some of the most defining moments of my life.
I never expected you to leave this world so early. I mean, you were thirty-four years old; your life was just beginning and there was so much that you wanted to do and to see. And I looked up to you. Losing you, was incredibly hard on me. Regardless of all the circumstances, it hurt. And it felt like all I could do was cry, and I was so sure that I was going to run out of tears. I thought you were going to die doing something you love. I never believed you would be the one to end your own life…intentionally.
But you taught me that no matter what life goes on, and the world turns, and it does not wait, and to mourn, but continue to move ahead. It was hard, and it felt as though I was walking and leaving you somewhere by yourself, with no one to hold you. But what I discovered as I picked up all the broken pieces, that you had kept moving all along, and were waiting for me; guiding me to a place where I would finally be able to let go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.
Its been over two years now. I wish you were here to see how much that I have grown as a person. I wish you were here for me to tell you these things and for you to respond. You always listened to me…I’m beginning to learn, that you still listen to me. Really listen. You’re letting me be the teacher now to myself. I think that is one of life’s most important lessons.
Life is going to continue to move on and things will continue to change. Leaves will die, and snow will fall, buds will bloom and flowers will grow, and I’ll continue to change along with it. I will grow and learn from you even though you are no longer here.
I love you Kristi. Then, Now…and forever.
All my love forever,
Your K.